I take of my parent’s full time. They have moved into my home and although this has decreased my travel time, it has increased the amount of care that I give them. They are even more dependent on me than before. I am so tired and feel so alone. Do you have any ideas to make our lives better?
Donna
Dear Donna:
I truly know how you feel, how tired you are and how consuming their care can be. I too was my parent’s principal caregiver for 10 years. Although they did not live with me, I was at their home (about 45 minutes away) at least 6 days a week.
Here is what my experiences taught me. While we are actually taking care of our parents we truly never think of taking care of ourselves. Everything we do is focused on making their lives safer, easier and staple.
Now that both my parents have died and I have started this charity, I have discovered two interesting phrases. I am sure that these phrases have been in the vocabulary of business and social services professionals for years, but I truly never remember hearing of them. The 2 phrases are:
Care Giver Burnout
My Own Circle Of Care
I mention these 2 phases because I wish that someone had talked to me about them. It sounds silly but as caregivers we are totally engulfed in day-to-day issues. We rarely think of ourselves.
I truly had caregiver burnout and did not even know it. I also never thought of my own “Circle of Care”. I will suggest only one idea for you to consider today it is:
Ask yourself these two questions:
How “burnt-out” am I?
Who could be part of my “Circle of Care”?
It will be easy enough for you to determine how tired and burnt out you are and less easy for you to think about who your own “circle of care” members could be.
I believe that acknowledging the possibility of “burn out” and dreaming of your own “circle of care” are important steps to improving your situation. It is not likely that you will make great progress on these two topics today, but do keep them in mind as you go about your daily activities. There will be moments in the days and weeks to come, when you will actually have some time and brain power to work through some ideas.
This is a complicated issue. There are rarely instant solutions to one’s personal burnt-out issues nor to developing a personal circle of care. There is however hope that things will get better
Good luck with your day. Think about these two phrases. Use them as a starting point to making your own journey a little easier to navigate. .