Dear Mary
Dad’s New Girlfriend

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Dear Mary,

My Mom died 4 years ago and my Dad has been very lost without her. He is now dating a woman that none of us like. My Dad does not have alot of money, but we think she is a gold digger. I am afraid he will marry her and then give her everything – including his house.

Glenn

Hi Glenn:

This very common when men lose their wives. I believe that men need to have a woman in their lives and someone to live with. I also believe that women who lose their husbands do not have the same need.

I suggest that you talk with your Dad and really get an understanding of what his intentions are with this woman. Ask direct questions. Tell him about your fears. Suggest that if he is really serious about this woman to go see a lawyer or an accountant. These people will give him suggestions about ways to protect assets.

I also suggest that you talk with this woman. Tell her that you care very much about your Father’s life and his future. Let her know that you plan to be very active in your father’s life.

It is however important to remember that it is your Dad’s life. He really can do anything he wants. If the relationship continues to grow, than you better find a way to accept her. You do not want her as the enemy – you will lose.

If this woman does move in with your Dad, then she is well on the road to taking over his life. Before she actually moves in, I suggest you work with your Dad to take the things out of his house that your mother bought or loved. This new women will replace them all and may not even tell you. She will mostly likely want to buy all new dishes, bedding, furniture, wall art, etc. All your Mother’s possessions that you take for granted now seeing in your Dad’s house will be gone!

If you can get a handle on where this relationship is really headed then you may have the opportunity and time to work with your Dad to preserve his assets and important memories. No matter what, life does change, and change itself is often difficult to deal with. Continue to “watch your Dad’s back and heart’. He is very vulnerable now and will benefit from your honesty.

Mary

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Caregiving Matters

Mary is a daughter. She also Chairs our charity. Mary has also held Director roles on three other boards, most recently with The Palcare Network of York Region.

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