Dear Mary
Fighting over care issues.

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Dear Mary,

My sister and I constantly disagree about how well (or not) our parents are doing.  I think that they need some help with some basic care issues like preparing meals, shopping, keeping the house clean.  I know that their health is not great and with the winter coming soon, it will be harder for them to go out and shop and go to their appointments.  My sister on the other hand, thinks that they are just fine.  She does not see what I see.  She is blind to the idea that our parents are changing and need help.  I am tired of fighting with my sister about this.  How can I get her to agree with me?

Helen

Hi Helen:

It is very common for siblings to see care issues differently.  Some people live in denial about declining health issues.  Believing that nothing is wrong or changing is only asking for trouble down the road.

You need some professional assessment of the situation.  There are trained nurses, social workers and others who can come into your parents’ home and do an assessment of their situation and their needs.  These people are trained to look at the situation, make recommendations and help create a “Care Plan”. 

You may also want to talk with their family doctor about your concerns and perhaps the doctor will have something to add to the conversation.

When you add professionals into the picture, they bring unbiased observations, ideas and often practical solutions. Many of these professionals will charge a fee for this service, but is well worth the money to get a third party perspective. 

So, my suggestion is to stop fighting, seek some professional help and see where that leads you.

Mary

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Caregiving Matters

Mary is a daughter. She also Chairs our charity. Mary has also held Director roles on three other boards, most recently with The Palcare Network of York Region.

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