I was my parents’ principal caregiver for ten years. I have first-hand experience in helping aging parents, dealing with family dynamics, protecting parents from elder abuse and working with public and private organizations.
Do you have a question for me? Please email your questions to: mary@caregivingmatters.ca
An important note: I love answering your questions, but I also encourage you to seek professional legal, financial, or medical assistance.
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My brother lives close to our parents and does most of the things to help them and take care of them. I live 2 thousand miles away. I am always feeling guilty for not being there and helping out. Do you have any suggestions for me?
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Don’t get me wrong. I love my Mom, help her as much as I can, but she is driving me crazy.
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My Dad is having trouble making decisions, even simple ones. How can I help him?
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We just had our mother’s funeral last week and my sister has started to go into our mother’s house and is taking things out.
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My brother thinks that I am overreacting to my Dad’s situation. How can I get it through my brother’s thick head that Dad needs more care?
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My husband gets sick of me talking about taking care of my parents. I am trying to please everyone, but I am so unhappy and nothing is working.
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My mother-in-law is dying of cancer. Her POA has decided to make his own life easier by picking a place in their small town for her to go into a long term care facility.
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Yesterday I had Christmas with my Dad and my grandmother in her seniors home. It was a nice visit but both my Dad and grandmother spent most of the visit nagging me about how I never come to visit my grandmother. I should visit more often, call and bring the kids around more.
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Our 92 year mother is in her wheelchair all day long. She often sleeps in it during the day and has to be lifted into bed. She no longer walks. She sleeps most of the time, wears diapers and we hire a caregiver in her nursing home to help feed her.
My sister wants to bring my mother out for a family holiday dinner together. There is a three hour window when she does not have to be changed and will most likely be able to enjoy the family outing.
My son and husband will have to lift her into and out of the car and carry her wheelchair up the front stairs. I am worried that this will be alot of pressure and too much for my Mom to handle. Should we take her out or keep her in for our family event?
Donna
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Dear Mary
My mother-in-law is 88 and has recently had cataract surgery. She requires someone to help put the drops in her eyes and to help her around her home – virtually 247 for the next month or so. My husband and his 5 siblings (and their spouses) are all constantly fighting about who is doing what, who does not help enough, etc. The fighting over the phones and in person is getting worse every day. Everyone is already tired of this post-surgery help and is not doing a good job of anything at this point. It is tearing the family apart. What should I do?
Cath
