Dear Mary
Paying my sister?

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Dear Mary,

My sister takes care of our parents 5 days a week. She is there about 6-8 hours per day. She thinks that “somebody” should be paying her. I think that she should do it for free – after all it is our parents that she is caring for. What do you think?

Jack

Hello Jack:

I think that you should be more respectful of your sister’s efforts, her time and what she tells you. Most likely she needs the money. She gives of her time out of love. Love does not help pay her bills though. There are enough stresses as a caregiver, don’t add to her stress by making her worry about her personal money issues.

If she were not there, who would do what she does? Perhaps an agency would need to be hired. Do you think that they would work for free?

Either “somebody” pays your sister or a third party gets paid. It is a point of respect and appreciation for her efforts and her dignity.

Mary

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Caregiving Matters

Mary is a daughter. She also Chairs our charity. Mary has also held Director roles on three other boards, most recently with The Palcare Network of York Region.

3 responses to “Paying my sister?

  1. Hello Jack
    I do agree that your sister should receive more then just love of a brother for what she does. I live 2 1/2 hours away so I am unable to take care of my 90 yr old mother so my sister lives with her, works as a manger for a retail chain and doesn’t have a vehicle to get around and has to schedule everything around her one day off a week as to take her too appts whether in town or out of town. I am SOOOOO grateful that she does this as I know if it wasn’t for her our mother would of passed along time ago. I help out with money, time away with her, and other ways. So I think it is fair that the rest of the siblings should help out whether it is monetary, time off, taking the parents for a bit(my mom won’t travel anymore) anything to help relieve the stress of the sibling that maybe by default is taking take of the parents or parent.
    Just my thoughts

  2. Hi Jack

    I to took care of my mother in her last days, I took time off work and did everything I could to make her comfortabel and would do it again and again I lost my mother on Dec 23 2011 and miss her so much my heart aches everyday for her I watched her suffer the last four days which I was lucky enough to have a sister that is sick herself come and stay and we both slept in her bed with her and shared our memories laughed and cried days that i am so happy i got to spend with her and my sister there are 5 of us in the family and I love everyone of them and know that they would do what they could to help out but I was the only one of us that had a job that I could come and go as i pleased yes I did lose money and would have loved to be paid but who could afford it, if your family could afford to pay your sister then you should it takes alot of time and patients to take care of the ones we love. to top it off I also take care of an ailing mother in law with alzihimers it is very hard I am now living with the guilt of having to put her into a home as I have run out of patients for anything she has been with me for 5yrs, I get alot of help from my daughter for when i am at work she does everything and she is now running out of patients and my husband has 5 siblings living in toronto who give us nil help by the way I do pay my daughter but only 50 aweek as that is all I can afford but if I could she should have been making 500 aweek as it is one of the hardest jobs you could ever have

    Sue

  3. Hello Jack,

    We paid one of my sisters to take care of our Mom 5hrs/day, 5days/week. I would rather pay my sister (who needed the money)than a stranger. At least we knew for sure Mom was in good hands. My Mom felt more comfortable having her there too. My sister earned every cent and my Mom was able to live at home until the end. It is one thing I will never regret spending money on…

    Suzanne

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