Caring for the Caregiver : Cultivate a Resilient Nature.


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Dr. Phyllis Quinlan

Lessons from the ancient book of wisdom; The Tao Te Ching: Verse Fifty

Coming into life, entering death
The followers of life, three in ten
The followers of death, three in ten
Those whose lives are moved toward death
Also three in ten
Why? Because they live lives of excess

I’ve heard of those who are good at cultivating life
Traveling on the road, they do not encounter rhinos or tigers
Entering into an army, they are not harmed by weapons
Rhinos have nowhere to thrust their horns
Tigers have nowhere to clasp their claws
Soldiers have nowhere to lodge their blades
Why? Because they have no place for death

                                                                                                       Lao Tzu

Have you ever know someone who was good at cultivating life? You know that rare soul who seems to take everything as it comes, finds humor in the smallest events and just resonates with contentment. You can’t help but feel calmer in their presence. It is as if being in the proximity of their energy felt like a cool cream on burnt skin. How I wish every professional and family caregiver could adopt this temperament. This approach to life referenced in this fiftieth verse of the Tao, is a nature resilient to suffering.

Eastern philosophy teaches that the basis of all human pain lies in our self-imposed torment. It is acknowledged that suffering or discontent is an inescapable part of life. Nonetheless, it is the human quest for a life free from discontent that is indeed at the core of our personal torment.

This paradox begins with our resistance to our own mortality. We will die. Yet how many of us crave attachment to excess as though the accumulation of more power, more status, more money, and more stuff was going to change the outcome of the game. Let’s face it. The real noble truth here is that you cannot take it with you!

If we are successful in attaining that which we crave does it not follow that we have now doomed ourselves to a life filled with the worry that we may somehow lose it? We are reducing ourselves to fear-based living?  I am not speaking against lifelong learning or cultivating each talent and gift to its fullest. The cautionary note here is to continue as if the impermanence of all things was a myth.

The secret to being good at cultivating life is to actively weave the awareness of the life you presently have into each day and allow the vibration of gratitude to ripple through you. Acknowledge that waiting to be happy is a sinful waste of time. Choose instead to find the simple joys and the happy moments in every day. This is heart-based living.

Accepting the truth of impermanence is not the same as resigning oneself to the inevitable but rather understanding that all things have a lifespan. This fact does not shield you from any bereavement for person, place or thing that has moved on. It does allow you to continue with your life sooner guided by the faith that all is how it should be.

Respectfully submitted by:

Phyllis Quinlan, PhD, RN-BC
718 661 498

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Dr. Phyllis Quinlan

About Phyllis Quinlan, RN-Bc, PhD

Throughout her 30 plus year career, Phyllis has practiced in a variety of emergency, acute care, subacute care & LTC settings. She holds national certifications in Critical Care Nursing, Emergency Nursing and Continuing Education/Staff Development. She has held senior leadership positions in administration and education in a variety of healthcare venues in the Greater New York area & also practices as a Legal Nurse Consultant since 2004. | 718 661 4981

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