Caring for the Caregiver: Look Before You Leap.

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Dr. Phyllis Quinlan
Dr. Phyllis Quinlan

Inspired by the ancient book of wisdom; The Tao Te Ching: Verse Forty-Three

 

 

 

 

 

 

The softest things of the world Override the hardest things of the world                                                                                       

That which has no substance Enters into that which has no openings                                                                                        

From this I know the benefits of unattached actions The teaching without words                                                                                                     The benefits of actions without attachment Are rarely matched in the world

Lao Tzu        

 

Verse forty-three speaks to the professional or family caregiver that has ever been criticized for stepping up to help or perhaps even resented by the one you intended to serve. If you ever found yourself mumbling, no good deed goes unpunished, then this verse of the Tao is for you. So often caregivers are overtly or covertly relied upon to get things done. It can be a great compliment to be known as a mover and shaker. We can sometimes get caught up in our own ego-based needs and confuse being tough for being strong. This is where we invite all sorts of trouble for ourselves.

The guiding message of this verse is to channel all your desire and well-meant ability to be of assistance into a subtle rather than overt effort. This is not to say that less is more but rather do not underestimate the value of non-action. In this example non-action does not mean, do nothing. Rather, it is a reminder to be aware of your motivation. If your desire to be of help is fueled in anyway by your clinging to a need to be needed, then non-action is required.

Lao Tzu likes to use nature as a metaphor for his lessons. He often suggests focusing on the nature of water. It has a gentle quality that flows around obstacles yet relentlessly carves its own path over time. He references the wind as the force that moves much without being seen. Caregivers must always be more self-aware than most. The lack of self-awareness can sow the seeds of compassion fatigue. If the need to be needed is fueling your actions, then you will never be able to fully have what you crave without creating a distance or a void between you and the recipient of your compassion.

Non-doing is also a powerful method of self-discovery.  As you attempt to refrain from your usual behavior, you uncover the internal forces that make stopping so difficult. You learn where you are hooked. You learn about the emotions, impulses, and beliefs that keep you caught up in that attachment.  When you resist doing something out of habit, you will be afforded the opportunity to see, perhaps for the first time, the cost of your behavior. This goal can only be realized through much gentle introspection. With time, you will be more self-aware. You will be more authentic. You will be more able to use your good judgment before leaping into action.

Respectfully submitted by:

Phyllis Quinlan, RN-Bc, PhD www.mfwconsultants.com mfwconsultants@gmail.com    718 661 498 http://www.linkedin.com/in/phyllisquinlan

http://www.facebook.com/PhyllisQuinlanCoaching

 

 

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Dr. Phyllis Quinlan

About Phyllis Quinlan, RN-Bc, PhD

Throughout her 30 plus year career, Phyllis has practiced in a variety of emergency, acute care, subacute care & LTC settings. She holds national certifications in Critical Care Nursing, Emergency Nursing and Continuing Education/Staff Development. She has held senior leadership positions in administration and education in a variety of healthcare venues in the Greater New York area & also practices as a Legal Nurse Consultant since 2004.

mfwconsultants@gmail.com | 718 661 4981

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