Jealous Husband

Can you believe it? My husband is jealous of my mother. He tells me that I spend too much time with her, do too much for her and never enough for him.

Stretched to the Limit

Dear Stretched:

Not only do I believe you, but I hear this comment frequently from women. Many women have husbands, children and employers who are jealous. Their jealousy comes from a lack of compassion, and understanding. These people do not understand or care about “the what and the why of what you do”. More importantly, I believe that they have no interest in learning.

I am always amazed at the lack of compassion, understanding and support that some people have. Were they taught these behaviours as children or did they develop these self-centered ways over time? My guess is abit of both. These people really live by the creed of: “It’s All About Me”.

Most of us expect little support from our employers. However, when jealousy coupled with limited support and understanding comes from within our own homes, than life can get quite ugly.

You can try and explain “the what and the why of what you do” until you are blue in the face. At some point, there will a limit to how much energy you invest into explaining and justifying your actions. On the road to reaching your limit you will encounter many stressful days and situations. To help you from reaching your energy limit, I have a sentence for you to consider. It is:

Focus on the person or relationship that needs the most attention at the time.

This means that other people or relationships must take a back seat. Sometimes your Mother will need the most attention, sometimes she can be moved to the back seat while you focus on other relationships.

This idea also means that one relationship does not stay as the top priority forever. Circumstances will dictate where you spend your energy. For example:

-If your Mother falls and breaks her pelvis, your efforts are best spent and appreciated by helping her.

-If your husband wants to go for a walk or out to dinner with you, then enjoy your time together (and don’t talk about your Mother.)

I really do not believe in “balance” as our parents have declining health. That is such a silly word and has nothing to do with “real life”. There is no balance – there is truly only the ability to focus in one direction at a time. Once you adopt this idea into your life, I believe that you will have less guilt, fewer apologies and more peace.

How does that sound?

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