From Jane
I’m 44 and my father who has been ill for a long time passed away last Sunday.
He sexually abused me most of my life, but i was able to disassociated, and put my daddy and the monster who abused me into different *boxes*
I loved my dad, and that is/was the only way I could deal with it. He did admit the abuse, we cried for hours and he apologized years ago.
I wanted my father to die, he was suffering so much, and in so much pain. He was also killing my mom as she tried to look after him. She has MS and fibro.
Now I feel so guilty and I feel like I’m a ice sculpture which has been shattered. I’m reverting to a little girl, calling and crying out for my daddy, yet I’ve got shadows of the darkness from what he did to me, haunting me.
It’s not like it’s something I can talk to the family about. I will get counselling once I get home, but that will be in at least a week.
Finding Peace
Dear Mary,
My parents are both in declining health. My Father has been in the nursing home for about a year and a half and my Mother just joined him in the nursing home about 5-6- weeks ago. They are being taken care of. My brother is the nearest caretaker and handles a lot of situations.
I live 600 miles away.
I know that this situation is for the best for everyone, my parents and my brother especially. However, I don’t feel good about it at all.
I just visited them in April and I could visit them again. I’m not sure this will help me feel any better.
How can I be at peace with their being in the nursing home?
Thanks for your advice,
Melissa D.
I’m So Tired!
I take of my parent’s full time. They have moved into my home and although this has decreased my travel time, it has increased the amount of care that I give them. They are even more dependent on me than before. I am so tired and feel so alone. Do you have any ideas to make our lives better?
Donna
So Far Away
I live far away from my parents. My sister does most of the care giving for them. How can I help?
Steve
Open to Hope Book
I am honoured to have one of my stories included in this new hard cover book just out this week on Amazon. This is an American Foundation out of Chicago. They are dedicated to helping people who deal with grief by helping them to move past their grief. The stories in the book are inspirational…
Mom is dying, what do I tell her?
My Mother is in the hospital and I have been told by her oncologist that her breast cancer is much worse. She has less than 3 months to live. There is nothing left that anyone can do for her. Mom is being transferred to a facility for palliative patients. My Mother really does not know that she is dying. What do I say to her?
Nick:
No Dinner
I dropped by after work a couple of times this week to see my parents who are both in their mid 70’s. I was shocked to find the house in darkness, my Mother asleep and my Dad watching TV. I asked him if they had had an early supper. He just simply said, there is no supper tonight. He said basically the same thing on my second visit this week.
Seems Mom sleeps alot in the afternoon and does not make supper anymore. What? Why? As of when?
Many nights my Father makes some toast and jam for his dinner around 8:30 when he starts to get hungry. He was not really sure when my mother ate. He also told me that she gets very mad if he starts to make dinner, so he does not bother anyone. Just not worth another fight.
What should I do? I hate the thought of them not eating properly. I work all day and cannot drop by every day to check on them.
Mike
What the hell am I supposed to do?
I just found out that my brother who was my Dad’s POA purchased the family cottage from my Dad just 3 weeks before he died. My Dad died in July, 2010. I went in there this week, and the door key did not work. My brother had not only changed the keys, but forgot to tell me that he now owns our family jewel.
Lee
Stealing
There seems to be odd things missing from my mother’s dresser in her bedroom – she lives in our hosue with us. Lately some of her jewellery and money have gone missing. I expect my cleaning lady is stealing from her.
Jan
How To Talk About Money
I was honoured to contribute an article in the recent edition of a wonderful magazine called: “Solutions” I write about the challenges and the importance of talking with an aging parent about financial and legal issues. If you would like a copy of this magazine, please let me know.