“The Holidays”
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It’s not even December, and I am already stressed out about the Holidays. As a caregiver, I already have so much on my plate. Any ideas to help reduce my stress will be greatly appreciated.
Ruth
Dear Mary
I was my parents’ principal caregiver for ten years. I have first-hand experience in helping aging parents, dealing with family dynamics, protecting parents from elder abuse and working with public and private organizations.
Do you have a question for me? Please email your questions to: mary@caregivingmatters.ca
An important note: I love answering your questions, but I also encourage you to seek professional legal, financial, or medical assistance.
Paying my sister?
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My sister takes care of our parents 5 days a week. She is there about 6-8 hours per day. She thinks that “somebody” should be paying her. I think that she should do it for free – after all it is our parents that she is caring for. What do you think?
Jack
My Dad’s Will
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My Dad just told me that he has updated his Will. To me, that means he has changed something, but he will not tell what he has done. I have asked him many times to tell me. Why won’t he tell me?
Gloria
Dad’s Next Home?
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My brother and I are starting to think that it is time to have Dad move to a seniors place.
Do you have any suggestions for us, ideas of costs, what to think about and even how to begin?
Mike
Mom’s had a stroke.
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My Mom is 84 and recently had a mild stroke. She is living on her own and needs physical theory to help get her left side to get moving again. The problem is that she lives about an hour from me, so I cannot see her every day and she really needs more help (both with daily needs and more physical theory than she is currently getting. I am also very worried that she may have had more mirror strokes since the first one. She is not doing well at all. The local government agency in her area cannot offer her more help at this point. How can I help my Mom more?
Kathy
What about Live-In-Help?
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My parents are doing ok, but they I think that having some live-in-help would be a good idea. What do you think?
Ron
Not A Good “POA”
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My husband Cliff is the POA for his father who has had a major stroke and is basically a zombie. Cliff takes care of the financial side of things but rarely visits and never goes to the hospital when his Dad is taken there. My husband counts on “the system” to do the caregiving for his father. He “manages” his Dad’s affairs but his lack of care giving skills drives me crazy.
Allison
From Jane
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I’m 44 and my father who has been ill for a long time passed away last Sunday.
He sexually abused me most of my life, but i was able to disassociated, and put my daddy and the monster who abused me into different *boxes*
I loved my dad, and that is/was the only way I could deal with it. He did admit the abuse, we cried for hours and he apologized years ago.
I wanted my father to die, he was suffering so much, and in so much pain. He was also killing my mom as she tried to look after him. She has MS and fibro.
Now I feel so guilty and I feel like I’m a ice sculpture which has been shattered. I’m reverting to a little girl, calling and crying out for my daddy, yet I’ve got shadows of the darkness from what he did to me, haunting me.
It’s not like it’s something I can talk to the family about. I will get counselling once I get home, but that will be in at least a week.
Finding Peace
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Dear Mary,
My parents are both in declining health. My Father has been in the nursing home for about a year and a half and my Mother just joined him in the nursing home about 5-6- weeks ago. They are being taken care of. My brother is the nearest caretaker and handles a lot of situations.
I live 600 miles away.
I know that this situation is for the best for everyone, my parents and my brother especially. However, I don’t feel good about it at all.
I just visited them in April and I could visit them again. I’m not sure this will help me feel any better.
How can I be at peace with their being in the nursing home?
Thanks for your advice,
Melissa D.
I’m So Tired!
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I take of my parent’s full time. They have moved into my home and although this has decreased my travel time, it has increased the amount of care that I give them. They are even more dependent on me than before. I am so tired and feel so alone. Do you have any ideas to make our lives better?
Donna
